The Shophound

HOLY $#!‡: A Japanese Department Store Needs A ?µ¢&in' Translator

It's sale time in Osaka, Japan, but one department store apparently needs a primer on what English-language words are appropriate for sale signs. We have the fine folks at Gawker to thank for directing us to the Japanese Subculture Research Center, a very entertaining blog about Japanese Culture filtered through a Western sensibility. They relayed these pictures from a reader of mixed japanese descent who found took the above photo in Osaka just a few days ago.

Japanese fashion has a longstanding history of decorating clothes with English-language words that they don't actually understand, often resulting in outfits with hilarious nonsense messages, but this takes things a step further. Maybe the folks at this store are unaware that this particular colloquialism, while prevalent in movies, cable TV shows and Hip-hop to name a few things, is not considered appropriate a part of discourse in polite society.

Or, maybe they just wanted to get attention and shock people. (We have posted the unredacted photos after the jump, just so you can get the full effect, but if you are the type to be offended by casual use of coarse slang for copulation, then by all means, do not click through!)

Either way, we think its hilarious, but the great crime here is not one of vulgarity, but of exaggeration. 20% off is emphatically NOT a great ?µ¢&in' sale. It's a nice little savings, but no excuse to break out the vulgarities. This morning, we got an email from Mr. Porter (the new men's offshoot from Net-à-Porter) announcing its final reductions up to 80% off.
That's a ?µ¢&in' sale.

It’s no ordinary sale. It’s a F___IN’ SALE! (Japanese Subculture Research Center via Gawker)

MYSTERIES of the UNIVERSE: Yes, People Are Still Lining Up In Front Of The UGG Store

A couple of years ago, The Shophound noticed a strange phenomenon in SoHo in which people would stand in long lines in the cold outside what was then the only UGG store in Manhattan despite the fact that UGGs are widely available in over 80 stores in New York City. At the time, we thought it was some kind of fluke or a sign of a tiresome trend that had hit its peak, but no, last year there were more UGG stores and consequently, more UGG lines.

In case you were wondering (and we know your curiosity has been burning on this one) the lines are back again —at least in midtown. The above photo was taken yesterday afternoon in front of the UGG boutique at the corner of Madison Avenue and 58th Street where the line extended nearly halfway down a particularly long block. Why anyone continues to do this, we have no idea. It seems pointless on all fronts, but, as you can see, many people (tourists, they have to be, right?) in line are already converted devotées to the chunky, unflattering footwear.

We're beyond going on and on about why we can't stand UGGs at this point, but we still cannot endorse waiting in line for no reason whatsoever, so if you are hopelessly addicted to these shoes and you ust buy them from an official retail outlet, you might want to know that the third UGG boutique in New York, on Columbus Avenue between 67th and 68th street does not seem to be plagued with lines. In fact, The Shophound passes it often in our travels, and we have not noticed any lines outside since the beginning of the Holiday Shopping Season. So if you must indulge yourself, get out of the SoHo and Midtown crowd melée, and head across town to the more civilized West Side, just don't tell anyone we sent you.

MYSTERIES OF THE UNIVERSE: It Must Be Christmas Because The UGG Line Is Here

For all of you out there who were wondering if anyone will ever tire of UGGs, those Australian shearling boots beloved of so many folks who want their feet to look like those of a pachyderm, the answer looks like no, so far.

Like clockwork, the lineup of eager customers has returned to the Mercer Street storefront of SoHo's UGG boutique. Now that there are three UGG stores in New York City (not to mention about 80 other places in Manhattan to buy them), one would think that there would be no need for people to wait outside in the cold to buy some stumpy shearling boots like it's a Manolo Blahnik sample sale or something.

But then, we have never figured out why anyone wants to wear those boots at all (yes, we know they are comfy and cozy, but so are bedroom slippers, and we wouldn't want to be seen wearing those on the streets, now would we?). Anyway, some mysteries are just destined to remain unsolved...

TASTE TESTS: A Pop-Tarts Gourmet Review

The bloggers of Serious Eats did what The Shophound hasn't the stomach to attempt: taste the specially concocted Pop-Tart dishes at the Pop-Tarts World pop-up shop in Times Square. As you might expect, the critiques ranged from "Please, please don't eat this," "All kinds of wrong," and "Nearly made me gag," to "If you've got the sugar tolerance, you might even like it," the faintest of praise. Ranked on an edibility scale of 1 to 10, only one item made it over a 5 —hard to ruin Trail Mix with bits of Pop Tart mixed in made it to a 7. The "sushi" pictured above rated a 0 as in " I physically could not bring myself to swallow."

This all probably comes as a surprise to nobody, but we suggest clicking through to their slide show for a stunning parade of crimes against the palate which will also save you the trouble of actually visiting the shop yourself just to satisfy your curiosity. At the very least, it's worth a look at their journey through the menu for the some of the most unappetizing food pictures we have ever seen.

Bon appetit!

We Ate at Pop-Tarts World in Times Square (Serious Eats)

GETTING OUR HOPES UP Is Christian Audigier Finished In SoHo?

Has the preferred designer to the Jersey Shore set finally peaked, or is it just wishful thinking? NYC The Blog discovered that the Christian Audigier boutique on Lafayette Street has been papered over, as if they have...vacated?

Racked has been on the case and getting ambiguous responses from the company regarding the store's future. Redecorating? Moving? Closing up shop altogether? We'll all have to wait and see, but we know we're not the only ones who wouldn't mind seeing Mr. Audigier pack it in and head back to L.A.

Has The Christian Audigier Soho Store Closed? (NYC The Blog)
Christian Audigier Closed in Nolita? Say It Ain't So! (Racked)

FIFTH AVENUE REVAMP: Takashimaya's Former Storefront To Be Erased

Disturbing news comes from Thor Equities, the new owner of what was the Takashimaya building. The Wall Street Journal reported this week that the much admired Japanese retailer's former home, built in 1993, is too customized to attract a new tenant without extensive remodeling both inside and out. Thor is reportedly planning to keep the first eight floors as retail space and dramatically expand the main floor, but they will also dismantle the elegant marble and limestone front façade and replace it with eight stories of plate glass and metal (rendered at right).

Apparently, making the building uglier will make it more appealing to other retailers. Never mind that it was designed to harmonize with older limestone townhouse style buildings nearby that characterize midtown Fifth Avenue, Thor's CEO Joe Sitt will take advantage of the fact that the building is not landmarked and can be altered with few pesky approval proceedings.

Retail specialist and Prudential Douglas Elliman broker Faith Hope Consolo, who never met a media outlet she wouldn't speculate wildly to, suggests three big names to the Journal who might be interested, London's Harrod's and Harvey Nichols, or possibly Nordstrom. Never mind that the two British stores have thus far shown no recent interest in crossing the Atlantic and seriously entering the New York retail market that we have heard of. As for the famously choosy Nordstrom, they have walked away from countless sites in Manhattan that are far more suitable to their requirements, and are about as likely to open shop in a narrow eight story townhouse space as they are to launch a branch in Tehran. So much for Faith.

For his part, Sitt is looking to broaden the search to include European luxury brands and Abercrombie & Fitch or Uniqlo-type chains in the market for a midtown mega-flagship, and is offering the building's naming rights to whoever lands in the space. Is there anyone left in these categories who isn't already sufficiently represented on Fifth Avenue?

Hearing about this makes the Shophound think of the innumerable once beautiful old buildings in Manhattan who over the years have had their lower levels gutted to attract retail tenants, leaving the façades in a jarring, Frankenstein-like state that hints at their former refinement. The banal but thankfully soon to be restored Third Avenue face of Bloomingdale's is a prime example of this sort of architectural offense. Whether Takashimaya's relatively recent, ersatz Beaux Arts-ish façade is worth protecting is a mater of opinion, but destroying half of it and installing an incongruous replacement does nobody any aesthetic favors.

On Fifth, a Facelift to Attract a New Retailer by Craig Karmin (Wall Street Journal)

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR: Nine NYC Stores Fined For Open Door Policy

For anyone who had to trudge down the sidewalk in this week's punishing heat, the frigid breeze from an air conditioned store with an open door felt like a little gust of heaven, but it turned out to be an expensive one for nine city stores in the Bronx and Manhattan including the Filene's Basement, DSW and Forever 21 locations on the south side of Union Square.

Since 2008, any business larger than 4,000 square feet or part of a chain with five or more stores in the city cannot leave its doors open while using air-conditioning, but these are apparently the first fines the city has charged since the law was enacted. The law was intended to discourage excessive use of electricity, especially during heat waves when antiquated power grids are overloaded. Penalties range from $200 for initial infractions up to $400 for subsequent offenses within an 18 month period, which could be a pesky punishment for some qualifying stores, but is probably something like the change you would find in the sofa to the folks at Forever 21 who are probably willing to pay the price for straining ConEd as long as they can get those teenagers into the store.

Nine Stores Fined for Propping Doors Open in Heat (NYTimes)

SCHADENFREUDE DU JOUR II: Bedbugs vs. Abercrombie Round 2 South Street Seaport Store Shut

We like to think of Abercrombie & Fitch as a gift that keeps on giving, but to a bedbug, apparently, they are just lunch.

After having closed its Hollister Epic Flagship on Wednesday for a persistent bedbug infestation, the chain had to turn around and shut the Abercrombie & Fitch location at the South Street Seaport on Friday for the same reason! Is there a connection? The stores are miles apart, so it would seem unlikely, but it certainly is kind of funny, especially since the company appears to be handling the situation by following the leading life rule of one Suzanne Sugarbaker: "The man should kill the bug!" The man, in this case, would be the Mayor Bloomberg.

According to The Wall Street Journal, A&F Chairman and CEO Michael S. Jeffries has actually contacted the Mayor for "leadership and guidance" on how best to address the problem of "the growing infestation of bedbugs in New York City." As any New Yorker can guess, the the Department of Health and Mental Hygiene responded by basically saying, "Not my problem, dude."

We know, HILARIOUS, right? As if the Mayor has time to offer suggestions to every building that has been hit by bedbugs. Truly, such an infestation is a miserable trial that The Shophound wouldn't wish on our worst enemy (okay, maybe our second-worst enemy), but there's something appropriately karmic about a company that gleefully flouts all kinds of workplace safety and fair hiring practices having to turn to the city to help them out of an embarrassing situation. Abercrombie says that the Hollister store should have been ready to be reopened by Saturday, which sounds like wishful thinking for a building that size, especially one filled with clothes and overstuffed furniture.

As always, we wish the folks at Abercrombie the best of luck with their problem, and thank them for the material.

Retailer Asks Mayor for Help in Bedbug Battle (Wall Street Journal)
Previously:
Schadednfreude Du Jour: Bedbug Infestation Closes Hollister

SCHADENFREUDE DU JOUR: Bedbug Infestation Closes Hollister

Now, bedbugs, as any self respecting NYC apartment dweller knows, are no laughing matter...except maybe in this case.

Apparently, the giant "Epic" Hollister in SoHo has been closed to rid the building and its contents of a particularly severe bedbug infestation. It had gotten so bad that employees (who are typically expected to wear flip flops this time of year) were getting bitten, and finding bedbugs and their exoskeletons on their clothes!

We are told that the three shirtless models who normally stand outside and welcome customers are currently informing them that the store will be closed for a few days.

According to Gothamist, workers have been complaining about the bugs for weeks, and were brushed off by management until today. Evidently, nobody at Hollister HQ fully understood exactly what a scourge bedbugs can be, and probably only figured out yesterday that having a store infested by bedbugs meant that customers buying clothing there could easily transfer the infestation to their own homes —leading to the inevitable lawsuits.

Of course, knowing their priorities, those folks at Abercrombie & Fitch also probably realized that their fresh faced Hollister sales staff wouldn't look so cute covered with bug bites, and since bedbugs feed only at night, you can imagine how much fun they were having in a store that is kept as dark as a vampire's lair at all times. Oh, the stupidity is mind boggling.

The store is reportedly expected to re-open in a few days, which sounds like wishful thinking, but we are willing to bet that more than a few businesses on that block of Broadway are taking a good look around to make sure that the infestation has remained contained.

Bedbugs Shut Down Hollister Store in SoHo (Gothamist)
Bedbugs Close Store (Wall Street Journal) all via The Cut

Shopping Hazard Alert: City Of Exploding Stores

We don't want to alarm you, but Manhattan's stores seem to be exploding, and not in a droll Monty Python-ish sort of way.
A few days ago it was the Village Paper party store at Greenwich and West 10th, and yesterday it was the Radio Shack on Sixth Avenue between 19th and 20th streets. We saw the blackened building yesterday afternoon after the street had been shut down by firefighters, but earlier in the day a transformer under the sidewalk at no. 641 exploded, sending seven stories of flames into the air. Miraculously, nobody appears to have been injured.
So far it has been cheap paper stores and fading electronics chains in downtown Manhattan that have been affected, but one more retail explosion this week means that there is officially a conspiracy.
Transformer Blast Damages Building in Chelsea (City Room-NYTimes)