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CriticalIn an early submission (or perhaps late for last week) this week's Thursday Styles will feature Critical Shopper Alexandra Jacobs visit to Madison Avenue's branch of Orlando-based swimwear chain Everything But Water. Surprisingly, she begins her entry with a mouth-watering catalogue of Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton's vacation menus. All this is to prepare us readers for the fact that Jacobs would not be shopping for an actual bathing suit, but for a billowy beach cover-up inspired by Taylor's epic caftan collection —many of which were probably necessitated by the illustrious couple's apparent habit of gorging themselves like pigs at any opportunity. Of course, we are betting that Jacobs was also inspired by the trailer that was recently released online for the BBC's Liz-and-Dick movie that stars Dominic West and Helena Bonham Carter who has got be better at playing Taylor than Lindsay Lohan was in that totally unwatchable Lifetime movie a few months back.

Aaaaanywaaay, we digress, mostly because Elizabeth Taylor will always be more interesting than bathing suit shopping. We have heard that this can be a traumatic, soul-scarring experience —at least that's what they say on The View. And yet, our shopper find the environment at Everything But Water so empowering and supportive that she forgets about caftans and actually dares to try on a $370 bathing suit,

The clouds parted. Angels sang, or maybe that was just Sade intoning “Smooth Operator.” Frantic mental calculations occurred. Reason prevailed, just barely.

So, this is the store to pamper Upper East Side ladies into feeling good enough about themselves to invest in extravagant new swimwear, as opposed to all the pampering in all the other opulent Madison Avenue boutiques. We're all for self-empowerment, but we would still rather have lunch with Liz and Dick.

Critical Shopper: Shopping for Beachwear at Everything But Water By Alexandra Jacobs
Everything But Water 1060 Madison Avenue between 80th & 81st Streets, Upper East Side


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